The embodiment of my anxiety

On Sunday, December 13, 2020 we had the Open Studio for the online artist residency. After 6 weeks of meeting with all the artist around the world, it is bittersweet knowing that the program has come to an end.

Although the residency was entirely virtual, I feel like we all created out little community, learned about each other, gave feedback and looked forward to our online meetings. All artists did an interview with Mango, you can read mine here. 

For this residency, I focused on creating a wok of art around the experience and embodiment of anxiety. Although I focused on my personal history and experience with anxiety, I believe this is also universal. The pandemic has affected all our mental health, and we should take the opportunity to stop the stigma and misconception that surrounds it. 

I chose to focus on 4 organs. The brain, the jaw, the heart and the lung. 

The heart

Anxiety sometimes places extra strain on the heart; the heart rate increases, the blood pressure spikes weakening the muscle and sometimes it causes panic attacks. The weight and pain in my chest feel like it is tightening, having shooting pain or stabbing. 

The brain 

Normally, our brain is good about helping us manage our stress, fear and anxiety in daily life. However, the pandemic has really changed what our daily lives look like and the interactions (or lack thereof) with others. 

When we are anxious, the amygdala sets us in a fight or flight response which sends hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) to prepare our body to react to danger. This is great when encountering a bear in the woods but not for when we are at home during work zooms dreading to turn on our cameras. 

Anxiety can also give us looping thoughts, making us focus on one thought over and over and over again until we switch to another thought and get stuck over and over again. It feels like that little thought is slowly taking over your brain. 

The jaw

Even though we try to regulate yourself during the day, our body can still be going through the motions of anxiety while we sleep. For me, I tend to clench or sometimes grind my teeth. When I am awake, I am not aware that I keep my jaw in a clenches position which then causes headaches. 

The Lung

When our body responds in fight or flight mode, the chest tightens, we experience shortness of breath, faster and shallow breathing. Our body is trying to get oxygen to the muscles in order to run away from that bear in the forest. Our breathing becomes shallow since we start breathing with the top of the lung, and may start hyperventilating. 

The embodiment of anxiety happens throughout the body and everybody experiences anxiety in different ways. Some of us experience nausea, stomach pain, headaches, sleep interruptions, pounding heart, shortness of breath, shaking, muscle pain among many other symptoms. 

If you are experiencing anxiety, please talk to your doctor. Untreated anxiety has serious mental and physical consequences, and you may be unaware that you are experiencing anxiety. For more information, you can always visit the page of Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).